The Jay Spot

For those of you following the drama...

Miss South Carolina appears on the Today show:

http://gawker.com/news/our-bovine-public/beauty-pageant-contestant-gives-it-another-shot-294149.php

Lauren Caitlin Upton

This shit just keeps getting better:

http://www.missteenusa.com/delegates/2007/files/SC-closeup.html

Miss South Caronlina

Since we all love laughing at beauty queens making asses of themselves, you should all click on this link.  It is delicious and delightful:

http://dlisted.com/node/14244

Fern

Hola Meninassssss!

Classes begin tomorrow and, at the moment, I am feeling good about it.  Other good news: my apartment is shaping up and I am definately getting a puppy.  AND I have settled on a name - so long as it fits the personality of the dog.

Why don't I back up a step or two and tell you about my weekend.  Yesterday, my friend Dan had a pre-party before the bar night at Blake's on the Park for all the gay law students.  This summer, Dan acquired a dog who is pretty freaking bizarre looking, but is so ugly he is cute.  The picture at left is him, for your reference.  Doesn't he look wonderfully retarded?

Anyway, this dog likes me.  I mean, he really likes me. Too much.  Throughout the entire pre-party, guests entertained themselves by watching him try to hump me.  Repeatedly.  At some point in the evening it actually stopped being funny and one guy said, "Um, I think the dog is about to jump up and cum on your face."

Sooooo, this led me to the decision to get a female dog.  I like the idea of a have a buddy to ride around in my car, etc., but I don't want a "buddy" who is always trying to have sex with me ... especially if he walks on four legs, rather than two.

As you all know, I am in Brazil withdrawal, so as I was considering dog names, I thought it could be fun to give her a Brazilian name.  My first thought was "Fernanda" and I could call her Fern.  Then, while researching the breed I discovered that the dogs from Where the Red Fern Grows were also Redbone Coonhounds.  Considering this, could Fern be more appropriate???

Well, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is just about over and I have class at 8:30am, so I must bid you all a fond farewell.  Toodles.

Title, Schmitle

Man, I have written some boring ass webposts lately, and for that I truly apologize - surely you all have grown tired, nay exhausted, of hearing about my someday dog.

Everyone keeps expecting me to have great stories, seeing as I have been out of the country all summer.  Truth is, I am in sort of a funk right now. 

Let me show you the view from my apartment in Rio:

The day I flew back to the states, I spent the day drinking on the beach then drinking on the street at a bar just out of view of the photo above.  I fell asleep in the cab on the way to the airport and the driver had to wake me after we arrived.  I don't really remember checking in and I slept fot the first seven hours of the flight.  I don't remember having any phone conversations at the airport, but apparently I did and the folks I talked to have since expressed their relief that I was allowed on the plane.

That's Copacabana Beach you can see in the picture.  Not my favorite neighborhood, but pretty cool, nonetheless.  Is that the reason I am more than a little unexcited about hitting the books, again? 

I think it is this: I have been only moderately successful as a law student, but have been very, very good at lounging around developing or third world countries with extremely rich people.  I think that may be my natural habitat - not the Virginia Highlands of Atlanta.  And I certainly don't mean to take anything away from the Highlands.  This is a great part of town in a cool city ... but I belong elsewhere ... in Rio in a neighborhood on the beach ... taking two hour lunches ... and socializing with the obscenely rich.  In fact, I think lunching with the upper crust might be my greatest skill. 

Could this be my new career goal?

So how does one obtain a career of cavorting with the wealthy in Latin America.  It seems I have found a way to do this on a temporary basis... but a permanent position alludes me.

Sigh.

So here I am... a little drunk again... blogging away... dreaming of Rio and the dog I don't own ... yet ... and thinking up cool challenges for Top Chef episodes. 

My life, it seems, teeters between being quite enviable and rather pathetic.

Back in Atlanta, Same Old Same Old

Well, I am really back in Atlanta, now.

True to form, I am a little drunk right now and blogging away while watching Top Chef on Bravo - perhaps my favorite show at the moment).

Today, after bidding my mom farewell at the airport drop-off, I lounged at my house and wasted time watching tv for a couple hours.  Then, I spent too much money on a haircut at an expensive salon.  After this, I went to my new gym (which also costs too much money) in an attempt to get back in shape.  Finally, I saw my friend Dan's new place.

On another topic, I have decided to abandon the idea of purchasing a Rhodesian Ridgeback.  I visited a beautiful litter of puppies on Monday, found a beautiful girl, told the owner I would be picking her up this weekend, and have now decided that it would be very unwise to follow through on my commitment.  Not only is there a 30 lb weight limit on pets at my new apartment complex, not only was the mother of my prospective puppy about 90 lbs., but the manager of my complex lives across the hall from me.  So the idea of just concealing my big pooch from the administration is a wash.  So I am going to call the RR puppy owner in the morning (after days of agonizing deliberation) and tell him that I have to back out.

Since making this decision earlier today, I have surfed the web for another breed.  This is what I am thinking now: the Redbone Coonhound.  Puppies from a litter in Wilmer, Alabama are available in a few weeks, which coincides neatly with a trip a hope to make to Gulf Shores, AL for a weekend at the beach.  Here are pictures of the breed:

A puppy:

And here is another young one:

And here is an adult:

Again, I would love to here your suggestions for names!

Back in Atlanta

Happy Monday morning to all of you. 

As I write this, it's Sunday night and I am enjoying a beer in my new pad.  More precisely, I am enjoying a beer just outside of my new pad, on the staircase leading to my apartment.  About 5 years ago, my mother rejoiced when I successfully quit smoking.  A year and a half later, I started again and have contuined, unbeknownst to her (abeit intermittently) ever since.  While my last few years as a smoker have mostly included drinking in social situations, or the enjoying a ciggie and a cocktail before bed, this summer in Brazil really did me in.  It is now difficult to go a day without.  So, I have regressed back to my college self... (actually, my high school self, since I smoked in front of my mother throughout college) and am regularly sneaking away for a few glorious puffs here and there.  She thinks I am out here because my wireless connection is no good inside.

This coincides neatly with my sister's offer, last week, of giving me some of her furniture.  This would not be ironic, if this same furniture had not been mine, before I moved away from Austin in 2002.  Symbolic, eh?  While Jill is engaged, with a bridal registry being filled, I have returned to school and my mother has come to town to buy house stuffs for the new place.  What's more, when my grandmother gave me a farewell hug before my 15 hour drive from Tx to Atlanta (with mom in the passenger seat), she wrapped her arms around my waist and said, "You're getting nice and round!"  Could this be the "freshman 15" - the sequel?

More Celebs Looking Bizarre

As you all know, I have a fascination with celebrities who are supposed to be really attractive, but when you see a picture of them standing next to someone else, you realize how their proportions are really bizarre, etc. 

Enjoy this gem of MK Olsen from a couple years ago, walking down the street with her then boyfriend:

Shower Hijinks

Full disclosure - the below was adapted from an email I sent to a couple friends, but in an effort to get some content back on the web, this little story has to do for now.  (btw, I have a job interview tomorrow (back in the US) - wish me luck!!!)

So as you know, I have a thing for Brazilian men... not just a "thing", actually.  An obsession?  A fascination?.  Well, the guy took it upon himself to show me around the office in Rio is HOT.  And he loves working out, which by the way, is one of the awesome things about this office.  On Mon, Wed, Fri, basically everyone in the office takes an almost two hour lunch and goes to the gym in the building.  It is a very nice gym with new equipment, lots of hot people, and it is very very crowded at lunch.

Anyway, so I walk into the locker room to change clothes and, while of course logically you should expect to see naked people in a locker room, it was a bit of a shock.  I mean, yes, I have been in locker rooms before, but the FIRST thing I saw when I entered was a really hot brazilian guy without a stitch of clothes on.  Well then he goes over to weigh himself on the scale - NAKED.  And I have to tell you, it was very, very difficult for me not to stare. 

Later on is when things got really interesting.  I had been working out for about 45 minutes and needed to go to the bathroom, so I walked back into the locker room and what do I see but a line for the showers.  Now let me explain the geography of the locker room.  Whereas some will have many small rows of lockers, this one is one big space.  So you walk in and to your right is the sinks/mirrors, then a sort of modified coat check room where a guy takes your nice clothes and hangs them while you work out, and then as you kind of hook a left, you walk into a large changing area with hooks for hangers on the wall and benches to sit on.  this feeds directly into the shower area  - oh what the hell, I will draw a diagram (below).  There are a couple of urinals, then showers, and at the end, a big communal steam room.

So anyway, I walk into the locker room to pee and what do I see, but a line for the showers that starts where the showers start and goes into the middle of the main area..  But it isn't just a line to the showers.... it's a NAKED line to the showers.  Granted, this line was only two people long, but both of these guys were naked and both were above average in looks.

So I walk past the naked line, pee, and exit to complete my workout.  But then the entire time I was working out, all i was thinking about was, "oh god, does thing mean I have to stand naked in line for the showers, just chatting with my new, hot, naked friends?  Because, dears, there are potential... technical problems that can occur in such situations, if you catch my drift.

Well, thank goodness when I returned to the locker room to actually change clothes and shower, there was only one person in line (my friend, Guilherme) and he was wearing his underwear.  By the time I was ready to enter, there was no line at all. 

But one final cherry on top of this sundae story is that the new hot friend did indeed come into the locker room for his shower just after I had concluded mine.  At this point I was confronted with both a moral and tactical dilemma.  Would sneaking a peak be a.) morally ok and b.) really obvious?

Unfortunately/Fortunately, I was not presented with this problem because he put on his underwear really fast, and came back from the shower wearing his towel.  So all i saw was a sort of silhouette that concealed all the important bits.  But his chest, back, and shoulders are underwear model quality and his waist is narrow and firm.

So I guess my problem now is that when I think about going to the gym, I am thinking just as much about the naked men in the locker room as I am about improving my physique.  Is that weird?  Is it wrong?  What to do...

Sundry Updates

A few folks have emailed to make sure I wasn't anywhere near the plane crash yesterday night.  Don't worry - I am fine.  I will be flying out of that airport on Friday night.  I have the opportunity to spend the latter half of my internship in the Rio office, so after 4 weeks in Sao Paulo, I will be headed to Rio for 3 weeks - my reason for flying out on Friday.

Since I know that Wendel doesn't regularly read my blog, I feel comfortable letting you all in on my little plan to surprise him on July 30 with a nice dinner and a yet to be determined something special in celebration of our 1 year anniversary.  I am thinking about this place: http://www.pecadosite.com.br/

What made me decide on this place?  They serve WILD BOAR.  And I know you all know about my interest in eating wild pig.  While I am slightly put off by the "bean ragout," javalina sounds like just the way to ring in the anniversary of the longest relationship I have ever been in.  And since Wendel is a bean afficionado, he can eat the ragout while I nibble on one of his side dishes (that isn not supposed to be a sexual pun).

Finally, have a look at this photo from a bbq on Saturday.  Note how I am unable to keep my eyes open, but have stumbled my way to the bar and have managed to place a ciggie between my lips.